Cinder Blocks

Depression is loud, quiet, ugly, and mean. It feels gross or it feels like an everyday thing, normal. It looks different for literally everyone. However, for everyone, it is consuming.

Your body, mind, and heart can all feel tied to cinder blocks. Nothing helps. The thought of getting out of bed to get that glass of water feels impossible. Taking that shower and getting the water just right, using all your strength to wash your hair, or picking out clothes that go together. It all feels like a 100 chapter book that you’re never going to finish. Pointless.

There is no end to a day. Does that make sense? Everything runs together. Every day is the same. What is death and what’s after it? Am I going to feel this way after I die? People flee to religion or spirituality to feel comfort through these things. The things people say should heal all. Sometimes it doesn’t. Why? Why can’t I be normal? Why can’t I be that girl I passed by on the street in the cute outfit, cute headphones, on the phone with her best friend, smiling through it all.

These are the thoughts racing through my depressed mind, but I don’t know that girl I passed. If I stopped her, and asked if she knew what depression was.. chances are she’d say yeah. Throw yourself into reality. Feel all those feelings, but again, you’re not alone.

That paragraph definitely didn’t help those reading who are battling that fight right now. I get it. It won’t help no matter how many times you read it. To be in the dark also feels like you’re in a deep hole with no ladder too.

What’s sick is.. sometimes when I’m doing good, I miss those down in the dump days. How? I don’t know. I think depression is evil and it’s always got a hand on you.

No matter how low it gets, just know it can get better. I won’t say it will, because it is up to you. It really is. There’s a submissions form on the home page. You can choose to be anonymous or not. Xoxo